In All Fairness, I Am A Dog.

Your Pillow.

sirgizmooffat — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 08:45:42 +0000

I steals it.

Isn’t it great, dad? I got your pillow. Now my poor head (and the rest of me) won’t have to sleep on the hard floor. Mom and you aren’t in the bed. Therefore, your places are forfeit.

Least you kept the bowl full today Dad. You’re getting better. However, tomorrow, can you sprinkle the fish food on it? Never have figured out why you give it to them. How about giving me a fish too? Or that chicken in the freezer you’re not sure if it’s OK or not. I won’t get sick, I’m a dog.

Dad, Mom, it’s bedtime. I need you to come to bed so I can strategically position myself to pin down the covers and separate you two so you both have to hug me. Hug me!

Nesting Behavior…

sirgizmooffat — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 03:56:46 +0000

On the floor again. Dad has the computer. He’s bugging me again too. All I ask for is a neverending supply of treats. Is that so much?

I’m restless tonight. I’m not sure why. I made the big lug take me outside twice today (that paltry string you call a leash will not hold me forever human! When you’re not looking, I chew on it. I chew it good.) Took a good dump, kicked some of it at Dad, chewed my bone for a while. Begged for treats. Begged to sit in Dad’s lap. (wonder why he calls me fatdog?) Cleaned my bowl out today. Big gallumphus needs to fill it. He’ll get the message.

walnuts. I like walnuts. wonder where I got the taste for them. Oh well, I want another one. Dad, walnut. Give it to me.

On second thought, I’m gonna fall asleep with my face in this bag of cereal. What’s that? You wanted it? Read the tag line. You did leave it in the floor, you know.

Hello world!

sirgizmooffat — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 04:58:51 +0000

I am a dog. A dog with a dream. To consume an entire cow in one sitting.

Wait, I did something like that? The gas you say? Like stinking death come for your souls?

Sounds about right. Sir Gizmo of fatness, the Dog of Timex here. Dad just took a box of macaronis from me. Said something about messing them up. I think that here on the floor they were just getting good, cause everybody knows ya gotta get that tough yet tasty covering off them before you can eat them. I didn’t even get into the pouch with the shiny stuff that hurts my teeth. That pouch has cheese, my friend.

It’s time for bed. I’ve constructed a nest out of the pillows of the house, and I’m currently lying here trying to get my tongue back in my mouth. That could take a while.

Hello world. You have a lot of places to poop. I intend to try them all.